It's the Great Killjoy, Charlie Brown

Until we moved here, we didn't do Halloween.  Because I am a buzzkill?  Exactly.  No really.  Look...

1) My kids dressed up every single day when they were little. It's just what we do, like reading, or eating. 
2) Going door to door and having stuff passed out to you, even if  it's a healthy thing, like a pencil, is still accepting/expecting a gift from strangers in exchange for nothing on your part but showing up on their doorstep with your hand out.
  3)Usually, it isn't a pencil, but candy.  When the Divas were small, they got something, usually candy, occasionally a sticker, every time we left the house...bank, library, post office, grocery store, dentist's office..  So, then...a) What is special about a candy or a sticker?  b) It's a lot of candy.  I don't mean to get all scientific on you, but candy isn't good for us. Lots of candy. Less good.
4) The images they sell in the stores may be cartooned up, but they are of death.  Ghost, Skeleton, Frankenstein, Dracula, the Grim Reaper, murder victims dripping blood.  When the Divas were three, a young girl came to the door dripping blood in a cheerleader's costume.  They cried and begged me not to open the door again.
5) People who are against Halloween, but have a party on October 31 in a church with candy and kids in costumes and say it isn't Halloween.  I guess they won't come crying to me when those kids are older and say it wasn't sex because they did it in the oval office church and their clothes weren't fashionable. So this child is of the Holy Ghost.  Wait, ghosts...um sex...I am too far afield.

In reality it hasn't been that big a deal.  Most places we have lived (even before children came along) didn't get a lot of trick or treaters.  One year, I took care of all the trick or treaters with the Sonic peppermints at the bottom of my purse because Mickey wasn't home with the candy yet.

Until we moved here.  The first Halloween, we tried to eat a pizza and watch a movie.  We kept hitting pause each time there was a knock on the door. We had over 75 trick or treaters.  My attitude softened.  I know how it feels to want to have the best treats on the block, and to be excited for the first knock on the door.  There are friends from home tour and neighborhood association and it's fun to watch their kids grow. To wave at families on the sidewalk whose kids are knocking on the door by themselves for the first time.

This year,we are going back to the back room and watching TV.

Because of the moms*.

Not all of them, just the ones who ask if they can take some candy to their sick baby who is in the car.

Um...

--We don't leave children in the car.  Sick or no.

--We don't take sick children to sit in the car so their sibling can trick or treat.

--Grandma (Or someone) will take them trick or treating.  Or she will stay with the baby. At home. Where the Tylenol is.

--Sick children don't need candy.  They need rest indoors and nutritious food.


--They either have extremely poor no parenting skills, or they are lying.  The reason I think they are lying, is the sheer volume of sick children left in cars. What are the odds, really, that 3 kids would happen to be left in the car so their sib could get candy? If I give a questioning look, there is someone in the car with the child.  THEN WHY DIDN'T THEY STAY HOME WITH THE CHILD AND HOW COME YOU SUPPLIED THAT DETAIL INSTEAD OF ANOTHER? YOUR STORY HAS MORE 'HO'S THAN THE PLAYBOY MANSION.

Say.  Trick. Or. Treat.

See... Back room.  TV.

Jack Torrance didn't get as worked up.

You know what I bet would stop that.  If I passed out that taffy that's wrapped in orange or black waxed paper.




*Oh yeah, and 2DD has stolen our garbage can.  I don't know what I would do if she showed up on our porch.  Probably, write her an invoice for the cost of the can.