We are already the veterans of the learning curve. We've upgraded our b.s. detectors. As such, we have some pointers for those who think they know it all already, the teens.
GUIDE TO PARENTING THE TEEN YEARS FOR THE TEENS
1. Quit. You are not parenting me. I had a mom. She got to clock out when I took over for myself. Over 25 years ago. Stop weighing in on adult decisions about which you have not been consulted. Just stop it.
2. Trust. You don't need to know why.
3. Stop talking. You literally have nothing to say. The things that come out of your mouth make me worry that you are, in fact, schizophrenic. No. Really. No apparent connection with reality. Your sister has noticed.
4. Wear clothes. You are doing pretty well. Just to be clear, current fashion is exactly 'late 80s prostitute'. Forget about it. I don't care if EVERY other girl is wearing it. That is EVERY other parents' problem. You don't have to have self-respect; you just have to go around looking like you do.
5. Not really. Respecting yourself is simple. You deserve the best. Keep your bathroom nice. Stop digging stuff out of the hamper and spraying it with odor eliminator. Change your
6. School. Just to have this out on the table, do NOT leave another thing until the last minute. The, "I need a map now, and I won't help with dinner, that's your job and I am going to style my hair for practice and I told you I needed it," shtick is a one and done. There won't be a next time.
7. Parenting. I am still parenting your siblings. Why don't you step back? I mean it. I am right here. Why don't you hold yourself to the same high standard you hold them? All you manage to do is let me know you know exactly where the standard is when you aren't meeting it.
8. Roll your eyes. Just one more time. So help me.
9. You are just tall. Being tall doesn't give you wisdom, anymore than being a good cook makes me run faster. You have parents because you are large and have a lot of information, but no common sense. We are here to protect you until you have figuratively slammed your hand in enough doors to figure out not to place your hand on figurative stoves or stick figurative bobby pins in proverbial electrical outlets. This is why I say, "Uuuuse Your Miiiiind-uh," so much.
10a. I love you. Stop slamming through life. Two people may
10b. I see that you want a boy
Your dad is an architect. What he builds represents him. I am a mom of girls. What I build represents me. I know what is in you. You are beautiful, never sick, always enthusiastic and have never attempted anything without success. And you have great hair. The world is
I am sharing my awesome with Jennifer...