Barring that...
I am planning to Share My Lack of Awesome with Jennifer @ Momma Made It Look Easy.
Without being able to use the home computer in the friendly confines of the newly painted back room. For internet. ATT has given as good as they get and is waiting until they get money to restore it. Hopefully, that will extend to the first of December. What is the nature of the snafu that I am buying paint, but not paying the bills?
Same as always. Total freaking incompetence.
Today, the freaking stands. No strike through.
I am a bit of a wool-gathering, rabbit-chaser. I started to say, "on this blog", but that would be less than completely accurate. However, all the musing, tongue-in-cheek ranting, indignant editorializing, tentative product reviews, and light storytelling have nicely distracted from the business business of reporting hard news from our corner of the world.
Since I have one less follower than before a blog break I took in the summer, anyone reading this will remember some early run downs of our economic circumstances. Circumstances remain much the same, although, We did get a couple of extra checks at end of July and end of August. They were sucked into the abyss. Groceries and Bills. The boss sat back and advised everyone that the best plan for the use of the first one was to bank it. My husband doesn't tell me this stuff. Another guy's wife does. She and I talk a couple times a year, and invariably, I find out stuff my husband didn't tell me because it would make me mad as a hatter (since we all know I am just a stitch or two short of a toboggan anyway).
So...
About two weeks ago, I was in an email conversation with someone about cleaning house. I don't remember what all was at hand except having someone else do it. Suddenly, I realized, that is me. I am household help. Got pride issues? Start being someone's maid. Periodically, we have the chance to clean the office. When the person who normally cleans goes to...
Italy.
So...
We have a laptop that no one was using, so the little partner in the firm, the one who says, "Bloggers are morons",said, "Just take it." Big boss found out and said, "No, it's a loan."
I digress.
It is slower than...I can't even think of anything slower than this computer and it sounds like a jet engine.. Any internet I am using is picking up someone's wifi connection. See, I told you; I suck.
I haven't posted because it is too hard. It takes forever. We have to scream to be heard over the computer, and I am discouraged. Don't get me wrong, I want to be in the conversation. I have been blessed beyond belief by the encouragement of your comments.
I can't see past this. I feel like if I were worth my salt, I would have fixed this by now. I feel like most readers would say, "Shut up and get a job." It isn't that simple. My degree is in education.
I am worried and I feel like it is all my fault. From the fact that I painted($25) and bought groceries and let the girls go to an activity, to the fact that I didn't pay AT&T and then inform them of the fact that they double billed me for my first month plus a bunch of equipment that they sent out that we didn't need. When I took it up with them, two (2) people said they would send out the label to send back the equipment. When the label was not forthcoming, I called them back and was informed there is no such label. AT THIS POINT, MY DSL WAS ALREADY SUSPENDED PENDING PAYMENT.
None of this is the root. The root is the fact that if we were prepared before this time and had been behaving like grown ups financially, we wouldn't just have a cushion, we would also have the insight and wisdom to know what to do about the future. That's just the way it works.
There you have it.
6 comments:
Don't be so hard on yourself. I had surgery earlier this year. We had a thousand dollar cushion in the band, we had a plan, I had good disability insurance for while I was off. We were READY. What we weren't ready for was that one surgery turned into two and that the pain never stopped. That I would lose my job because I didn't return to work fast enough and that my disability insurance company would simply stop paying me in September and not return my calls. So, yes, paint if it keep you from screaming and ripping your hair out, but don't blame yourself.
Well have tough times. I had my own looking at my bank account last night and thinking about things that are coming up. Right now you are in a valley. You've been there for awhile. It is hard when you are in the valley. But just imagine what the view will be like when you are on top of the mountain.
How is it we are living the same life? You are talking to a chick who has had her internet held hostage for payment many times. We're on the other side of bankruptcy and just waiting for the bank to get their crap together to kick us out. Stress?? Moi??? Are the stress lines showing? Cut I can tell you I feel them.
On top of that with the whole go get a job - no one is hiring. My husband spent months getting some career degree only to have been met with months of nothing.
Sometimes in life there is no fixing it. And while all the Suzzy goody goodies who's life goes according to plan some people get the suck hole of doomsday that never seems to end.
I'm sorry you're going through the suck hole. But know you aren't the only one. And eventually I hear things will get better. Or we can go hunt down Ms. Perfect and egg her house. :}
Well, there's nothing I can say that will make you feel any better.
I know. Because I've been there. And back. Several times.
Well, more than several.
It's a constant struggle that I hate. I get tired of trying to "keep up." But what are our options?
To keep up or to keep up.
I hear you. I get it. Doesn't help, I know. But you are so not flying solo on this one.
Hang in there,mgirl. We all go through times where we can't see the light at the end of the tunnel and beging to wonder if it's been shut off due to financial restraints. in the meantime, know there are people out the rooting for you!
Thank you for your honesty, Maggie. Many of us struggle with this at different times of our lives. I remember after our 3rd baby was born (when all 3 were in diapers) and we fell SO far behind on the bills we felt like we were drowning. It is an awful feeling. I hope you can come up for air soon!
Hugs XO
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