11.08.2011

November is for Thankfulness and So Forth.

I have in my head a series on the beauty and poetry of November.  I may make November my favorite month.  Thanksgiving is already my favorite holiday.  I've never made a proclamation of my favorite month.  I have never give it a second thought. I am now however, more of a dork than ever before. (Feel free to lend some punctuation assist on that sentence.)  The leaves are changing here, which is plenty of reason to live with the all year long allergies.  The holidays are coming.  More than in years past, I hear people talking about not skipping over Thanksgiving.  My kids have always asked me why people don't decorate for Thanksgiving and just skip to Christmas Winter Holidays.  This is about the first year I could explain about Gratitude, Contentment, and Thankfulness not being very bankable and how that influences the general public, and have them understand.

You thought I was going somewhere with that.  Sorry, that's the whole thought.

So last Friday, after having diddledy dorked around as long as I could to let the girls socialize, I walked out to where everyone eats lunch and was greeted by three (3) smiling mugs of three (3) nice young men (two of whom were supposed to be in back in class.)  It flashed across my mind that they looked at me and thought, "Lucky individual to live in the house with Divas."  Yeah, I am totally stuck up about my girls that way.

I just needed to get that off my chest.

A couple of weeks ago, I went to a retreat for women.  It is a new organization.  There has been a men's group for a long -ish time.  This was the first time ever event for women.  There were women there from three states.  It was a great time.  It is about finding realness in relationships.  It was tremendously freeing.  I don't think the website is up yet. I think it's worth sharing, I am just not sure how.

Mickey went to the men's retreat this weekend.  While he was gone, I painted our 'back room' (sounds like where you make a deal with a loan shark) [Not saying I couldn't use the cash].  The old color was weird.  It stressed me to look at it.  This new taupe color is, if I say so myself, 'the hotness'(for reasons that remain unclear, this is my new phrase to say too much.  But I am embarrassed, so I just think it.).  I left the roller tray on the ground to minimize the mess in case of a spill.  I spent the day bending to load the roller or brush, filling the tray and reaching to stretch as far as I could to keep from moving the step stool.  I did cripple myself in the attempt and walked around the Monday Co-op like I had filled my diaper.  Yay.

Speaking of Monday.

I may have mentioned to you that, "I am the mom."  Perhaps the reason that I say it so much on the blog is that I need to know someone is listening.

You know Type A and Her Sister don't have Facebook.  Or cellular telephones. I keep telling them it is a matter of being a person who can handle it.  You have to be trustworthy.  You have to take care of business.  It is in the little things that character is made.  They will not get either privilege until the 'daily low tech person' handles themselves in a respectful (self, others and property) way.

Let's be very clear.  The girls use my facebook account to keep up with their friends and up until yesterday were allowed to use my phone to text their friends.  They are not chained to the floor in the basement and fed bread and water, these two.

So yesterday at 9:08 a.m., I receive a text from Gooden Hotson. To make a long story short, they have been texting him on my phone and erasing the evidence.

Friends, we have a rule.  They are not to text guys with my phone.  Because I am a 29+15 year-old woman.  I don't feel that it sets the proper tone for me to have the telephone numbers of 17 year-old men in my contact list.  Let's just take a minute to say...Mary Kay LeTourneau.  (OMGawsh, gross.) While that is enough to back me up on my rule.  There are also two other huge factors here.

In the last decade, technology has exploded; there are things I can do today that I don't need at all never dreamed of.  There are NO standards for etiquette and propriety with texting or facebook and not with the internet in general. It is a 'no holds barred', 'everyone for oneself' proposition.  Manners matter.  When civilization falls.  This will be why.

Secondly, I am the mom. Moms and Dads make the rules. For example, some kids have to clean their plates; some only have to try one bite; some don't have to eat any food they are not attracted to.  Some parents hide good nutrition inside the crap because they are afraid to be unpopular.  In my house, you can eat it now or you can eat it later.  I am not trying to poison you.  The rest of us ate it and it is a matter of character to eat what is provided without complaining.  I cannot guarantee you a gourmet future; you need to be prepared.

Type A told me she hated me yesterday, in front of people but not so they could hear, and walked out (let's remember who was in the wrong, please).  There were a couple of moms who knew what was up.  Their daughters are small.  I looked at them and said, "One day, your daughter is going to say, 'I HATE YOU!'.  It means you have done everything right.  Your feelings will be hurt, but I am here to tell you.  Stay the course.  She is trying to make you blink.  Don't change a thing."

This is not a cell phone or a cute boy problem.  This is a trust issue.  They have to trust me that they will not die spinsters if they OBEY (yes, I said it.  Obey, obey, obey. Report me to blogger for using vulgarity.).  Until they are getting schoolwork and chores done and not leaving speeches they have known about for six weeks until the Sunday Night before Monday class taking responsibility for their own actions, I will not expand their privileges.  Until I can believe them again, they have just pushed phones and facebooks off into the unknowable future.

Let's be very clear.  I want them to have all those things, but they are like loaded guns for kids that don't have respect.

 Is there any issue on which you would like to see growth in your kids that they seem to resist?  Have you been afraid to live by your beliefs because others may not understand?

Start now while yours are small.  You have no idea what amazing things the future may hold for your children that will require strong character to stay safe in order to enjoy life to the fullest.

I am not trying to win the award for longest post or most run-on sentences, though the recognition would be nice.

7 comments:

Jennifer said...

I think you are one of the best moms ever.

I got into it with Big Girl today because I wanted her to wear tennis shoes because she was going on a field trip and she didn't want to. As I was telling her it would be my way or not at all she covered her ears with her hands. When I was done she said, "I didn't hear you." I just looked at her and asked if she really wanted to push it. She put on her tennis shoes.

Carrie - ASassyRedhead.com said...

I was totally thinking of Jennifer's concert situation when reading this. You are SO helping society raising up responsible and consider kids.

Speaking of that phone thing...my mom wouldn't let me call boys until I was 16. Kept telling me it's the boys job to call.

I hated her. And told her.

Today? I'd say it was probably the best advice ever. Even at my age now, I won't call a "boy" first. He can court me. And I've had several "boys" tell me it's rather attractive when a woman isn't pushy and aggressive.

Seems to me you're doing pretty darn ok. =)

Jen said...

First, I love Thanksgiving too...I wish people wouldn't forget about it and move right on to Christmas.
Second, I agree! WE make the rules! Not the kids. Some days, according to my kids, I am the "meanest mom ever!!". And you're right, that's a good thing because I'm doing my job.
Third, I laughed out loud at the "back room" thing.

Dumb Mom said...

We've not reached this point in life yet. I mean with the technology bit. We recently cancelled #1's birthday. I know I'm a horrible mother and all that, but he has to earn me blowing my cash stash on him. And he messed up, so it's gone. We took away some other stuff too. And he hurt me probably just as much as it hurt him. But, I imagine that one day he will thank me? And understand that I just wanted him to grow up awesome? Or he will hate me forever. Either way, I'm pretty sure I'm doing my very best work here and I won't stop doing that until I'm in the ground somewhere. Even then I intend to haunt him a little. You're doing good. Kids have to earn things and that includes your trust.

The Preppy Girl in Pink said...

From what I read...you are a great mom! I do the same thing for my girls. They are younger but I have already started telling them ages when I think things will be appropriate for them. They hear & see things way too young now a days. I want them to be kids for as long as they can be and I want them to be good people...for their entire lives.

dianne.self said...

What a good mommy you are. I've been to where you are headed and I know the hard decisions you've had to make. But I always knew one thing for sure, my kids are worth it, 101%. It is the most important thing I had to do in my very unimportant life and without benefit of user guide, I knew I had to pay attention ALL THE TIME! The pay-off is worth it, believe me.
You sound like a great mom and a pretty awesome Parent.

Maggie S. said...

EEeeeeee!!!! Mimi. Thank you so much for stopping by this obscure corner of the world. Thanks also for your words of encouragement; they mean a lot coming from such a great mom...