The meds are a miracle of modern medicine, but not everyone needs a miracle. For those who do need a miracle, they are an important part of life. And
I have taken anti depressant medication before. That is how I know I am still in a place where the trade off is not worth it. For me. Right now.
I love nothing more than a laugh and I couldn't feel the laugh. I could stand off to the side and think, "That is really funny." But I couldn't feel it. Which tells me that there were other things I wasn't feeling. Apparently, if you don't feel the sad, you don't get the happy either. You get the middle; neither happy nor sad.
My philosophical position on my own personal situation has changed, and I am not at all uncomfortable or ashamed to hold that position:
God made our emotions for a purpose. Scripture shows Jesus in the negatives as well as the positives and the heroes of the Old Testament in all sorts of crazy. There are signals in emotions that are meant to be examined. What do I fear? What frustrates me? What do I crave? What gives me peace, love, hope, or joy? What just pisses me off? Do I laugh at appropriate things-- kids playing or a good joke? Or inappropriate things-- funerals or finding out a friend's relationship has ended?
These kinds of questions and answers help us care for ourselves and others and manage our lives. When we turn off the mechanisms that help us feel, there better be a really good reason why.
The stress here has been going for a long time. Even before we moved to [Little City] from [Big City], a friend told me, "If I had the kind of stress you have I would have a breakdown." That was seven or eight years ago.
A whisper is on the wind. The possibility of change. For Mother's Day, I get to visit with my best friend. She might be moving near. Both husbands are telling us not to run ahead of the Lord, but we are busily creating a WWCMD (What Would C and Maggie Do?) bracelet for the Jesus to wear. Just kidding.
I am not there yet.
Today, I am Pouring My Heart Out @ Things I Can't Say.