You guys gave me the wake-up call in the form of "I was terrible to my parents." And "That's how I remember not to get mad."
I am responsible for a lot of what shaped these children. If they are mean, or if they don't realize when they are being deceived by others, is it because I haven't been tender enough?
I really had to think about that later.
They tried to throw down again at lunch time yesterday, because the most recent third party (mean girl), called on the phone and I told her that we were sitting down to lunch and it wasn't a good time. On Tuesday. At, like, 1:30.
The Divas got their backs up and took attitude with me that I needed to just get myself back on the phone and tell the girl that they just wouldn't be allowed to speak to her.
You said, What?
Yes, THEY told ME.
Short memories that they seem to have, I let them know that the bottom line here was that there is not need to tell someone you are pulling back from a destructive friendship when you are 14. They will get the hint. If not, I will keep everyone so busy with details that it is a non-issue and then we are off for a month and in that time, perhaps she will find another project.
But it is still rolling around in my head....
1) These kids always say someone else is there causing trouble.
2) The person is always treating them as less than as valuable as themselves.
3) They always seem to take it. And go back for more.
4) Do all teens do this?
5) Someone recently asked me if my girls feel free to say, "No." And I had no answer. I didn't know. It was my first order of business that day.
6) How did we get here?
The only conclusion I can reach is that I have failed to give them true self-respect. I don't want to wait until someone gets destroyed. These small things are the tremors before the fault line shatters. The trail of smoke that goes up before the eruption.
Am I the only one who takes my kids seriously?
I see meaner kids than mine all the time. Homeschooled, "Christian", and ....mean. Not just the ones who've gotten lead roles in a post.
I am the main example they have had. Have I taught them to allow others to treat them disrespectfully and not to draw back in pain from ill-treatment? Not to think of the feelings of others except momentarily or based on my own experience of the same? Or do all children go through a stage when they treat the world like their toilet?
Fortunately, my friend has showed me the grace of Christ. Nothing is more effective for empowering one to do business with themselves. I hope I can pass it along to the Divas.
Thank you for listening to this wildness. Yes, the girls know I have a blog. It is protecting them from having a very tense Mama right now. They don't like being busted out on blog or IRL.
"[People] think we are bad people."
No, Baby, people laugh, because we all go through the journey of learning to be civilized. Their kids are doing it too. Or they know they did the same kind of thing when they were your age.
Don't get me wrong. They have grown by leaps and bounds. I am just getting freaked out that this is the 'high center' that we are all caught on. Why not wanting to be something you are no good at? Oh yeah. We haven't found that yet. It's going to be relationships. Crud.
Looking inside me. Blah.