The office Christmas party? Dull, but no one showed their girdle. Big boss had walked in the office with a big smile on his face the day before and I had just cut him a look (not the right thing to do at all, but I had just drawn my hands out of a stranger's commode. My rubber glove had torn, so the toilet water had touched my hand and by the time stupid boss guy flashed his giant grin, I was in no mood to pretend "it's all good".). I thought I could sort of tell he and his wife were treating me differently, but whatever. I can only re-iterate that we aren't really friends(I have spent more time with the tellers at my bank this year). He feels there has to be a party and we feel compelled to attend. Fortunately, the other partner hosted with her new husband. The food was great, they had a gift for each household (beyond the ornament exchange)and Mickey and I brought home the gag gift, per usual. On the way there, we realized we had forgotten to pay the mortgage, so I never really entered in, anyway.
Yeah, still procrastinating on the Santa thing with the boy. He is keeping his mouth shut after his sister who cares not about anyone else's feelings hollered, "There's no Santa," at him. I think he thinks she is wrong. He and I need to discuss it. We were out the other day and there was an instrumental recording playing and Mickey asked me what the song was... It was " I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus". He got a look on his face like "Eeew, how completely inappropriate."
In the meantime, I am beginning to doubt my stance. Occasionally, that little inner voice has whispered, "You hate fun," since I posted in September about my kids making their own fun, then about not Trick or Treating; I have more an more often seen myself from the outside looking in. It looks like we haven't had much fun with the kids or each other or anything else.
In spite of all this, Christmas is coming anyway.
Somehow, friends have come alongside. We could not have done anything without their help. There will be presents under the tree. We are total charity cases this year, but God has reminded me that He sees. His people are His hands and His feet. It is irritating to be humbled. It is humbling finding out who cares most about you and who either doesn't care enough to know or knows and doesn't care enough to just squeeze a hand.
By His grace:
-bills are current.
-there will be something under the tree.
-stockings will be filled.
-Mickey is still employed. (They haven't done the holiday firing. Yet.)
-friends have gathered around to encourage us.
-there is plenty of food in the kitchen.
Amongst all the emotion and the fight for fun... I realized that last week marked the anniversary of Mickey's mother's death, 2 years ago. 6 years ago, this week, my grandma and great-grandma passed away within 27 hours. Gah, no wonder we struggle to enjoy the season. So that is filed away.
This afternoon, we are going to "Market Square" to the Holiday Ice Skating place and a friend and I will visit while our children skate. See. I am fun.
The girls got to go Swing Dancing with college friends on Monday night. See? Fun!!! Right?
I don't know what tomorrow holds. But I can't prove that Santa didn't put me back in front of Jesus again this year.