The title makes it sound like I am going to tell you the reason, when in reality, I am gonna test the theory.
I was waiting tor the children to do their thing(school). I played a You Tube video. Okay, it was Cupid Shuffle. Yes, I realize if I want them to do the work, we have to not take dance breaks. I think it's spring fever.
Anyway. One thing led to another and pretty soon I was eating a bacon sandwich and listening to music from new Footloose which led to old Footloose and before I knew it...Lynyrd Skynyrd (shut up).
It was noon and about 80 degrees. So the kids were outside. I was listening to something vaguely resembling the soundtrack of my youth. And I realized.
The reason this is crazy is that I remember it. I don't think we reeeeeally remember being little. Of course, we can see scenes. Remember events. But by the time I was in high school, there was a different consciousness. Memories are complete enough to revisit with our adult awareness and gather subtext that we discerned, but were as yet to young to interpret.
I mean to say, that while some ditty from my youngpersonhood be-bopped in my ear, I glanced back and forth between the video and the kids in the backyard, and I realized the girl I was can completely identify with the needs and wishes and struggles and fears of my daughters at this age. But.
I am responsible to guide them through making decisions. By telling them the truth and letting them reject it. And they seem to have a bit of a biological imperative to do so.
You know when you get to the age when you think, "if only I could go back to high school with the knowledge I have now."?
Then in a couple of years you realize, "even if I went back, it wouldn't be the same."
In a couple more, "not for a million dollars."
Well, guess what?
We do go back with all the knowledge and hard gained wisdom and scars. Unable to use them.
It's not the same.
It doesn't look like we get the million dollars either.